Every life tells a story, and after someone dies, we want to continue that story and try to make it a good one.
But sometimes that is difficult. Shortly after my wife’s funeral, people seem unwilling to talk about her or the situation. I understand most had good intentions, concerned that mentioning the death or even her name would upset me, open a can of worms, or make the situation worse. But three months after she died, I began to wonder if my wife had ever existed. There can be a conspiracy of silence … and that is not what we need because we don’t want our loved ones to be forgotten.
What helped me most was the opportunity to TALK about her … not just about her death, but about her LIFE.
Grief invites us to remember, not to forget. But sometimes, memories after a death or an illness can be difficult and incredibly painful, and you might find that it is just too hurtful to “go there.” Yes, you may have many wonderful memories of the person’s life, but the reminders of their death can often be very raw.
But while we may be sad that about the death, that should not diminish the significance of the life, and the difference THEIR life made to YOUR life.
Sometimes it helps to start by focusing on the memories of the LIFE. Reviewing memories of how you met, the good times you shared and the happy moments of the life are what help to ease those difficult memories of the death. We can’t forget the death of course. But it helps to put the death in the context of the life.
Many things have the power to make us remember: photographs; telling stories; reminiscences of time spent, places visited, and experiences enjoyed.
So where can we talk about it? Well, we are setting up a new “forum” where you can share with others. More details to follow. Keep checking in.
Let’s talk again soon.