Dr. Bill Webster’s Blog

GREAT NEWS!

Very shortly we will be introducing a new feature on the web site.

I am doing a monthly TV programme called “On the Line.” You will be able to watch the programme right on the site here. We are open to suffestions and ideas for future themes and topics, so e mail me if you have one.

ALSO, my new DVD set is available … two years of work has gone into this, and I am very proud of the finished product, which MANY people have helped with.

Check out the 6 minute introductory video on the site, and the entire set, consisting of 18 x 20 - 30 minute programmes on many topics of grief, is available at a SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY PRICE on our bookstore.

I am writing this from England where I am conducting some seminars, but wanted to make you aware of these new developments.

Dr Bill

OK. I have “Breaking News.”

I need your help, and, don’t worry, it has NOTHING TO DO with MONEY!!!

Starting shortly, we will be hosting an “Ask Dr Bill” ON VIDEO. Right here on this web site, you will be able to come online and ask me any question you have as a grieving person and I will try to answer it …. in PERSON on VIDEO. I am hoping this will provide another valuable resource for people suffering through a significant loss.

Here’s where I am asking your HELP.

What are the questions YOU feel grieving people would like to have answered??? What could I offer by way of suggestions etc. to people who want to HELP a grieving person I don’t want to ASSUME that I know all the questions, so I am seeking your help.

E mail me YOUR question, or the ones you feel would be most relevant and helpful in this kind of forum,. and I will seek to put together a list of questions (then figure out some answers!!)

Please send your e mails to drwebster@griefjourney.com .

We hope to have this new feature up and running in the next little while. So keep checking in with us … we have spent quite a few months developing new resources for you, and soon you will be able to see for yourselves what we have been up to.

Thanks

Dr Bill

Thought for the Day:

“People may differ in tradition, language, beliefs and experience, but they all have one common denominator: a desire to be treated like HUMAN BEINGS.”

Ask any funeral director if you don’t believe me!

There are probably more deaths that occur in the week between Christmas and New Years than any other single week. Certainly in OUR newspaper, the obituaries went up dramatically from the usual daily number, about 50% in fact. While there are probably reasons why this occurs (people holding on for Christmas, one last chance to see the family etc. etc.) this is not the reason for this BLOG.

Many of you have “been there” … you have experienced the loss of a loved one, and the grief that follows.

As NEW people find this web site, looking for comfort and hope … WHAT WOULD YOU SAY to them. What did you find most helpful. What did you do that was most helpful? What do you wish you had done sooner, or differently.

E mail me your responses and we will collate the ideas into a blog or helpful article for people. By sharing YOUR experiences, and helping others, you may find surprising benefits.

ALSO, while I am asking for help here, are you a PHOTOGRAPHER?

As you know we use many images in our meditations etc. and we thought that some of you might like to submit some of your photos to be included in our meditations…. a scene, a flower, an individual … something that would be of interest.

Perhaps with the picture, you could also indicate the message or the emotion you feel it portrays. Depending on the response, we will offer several PRIZES and everyone who submits a photograph will be entered into the competition. Several people sent us some beautiful pictures lately which will complement our new upcoming meditations, and so we thought many more of you might like to get involved.

Keep an eye on this blog … we have some other ideas which we will be revealing shortly.

Dr Bill

Thoughts for the Day:

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.”

“Ulcers are something you get from mountain climbing over molehills.”

“You can’t change the past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.”

“We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they DO.”

In his New Years Day message for the dark days of 1939, with war looming, King George VI quoted the words of M. Louise Haskins, who wrote:

And I said to the man who stood
at the gate of the year:
“Give me a light that
I may tread safely into
the unknown.”

And he replied:
“Go out into the darkness
and put your hand into
the Hand of GOD. That
shall be to you better
than light and safer than
a known way.”

2008 marks 100 years from the time Louise Haskins wrote her famous poem, and I can think of no better wish for all of you as we begin the New Year.

We want to try to make this blog a LOT more interactive in 2008. Up to now, it has been me penning MY thoughts and feelings, but now I would like to hear from YOU. I think there is a lot of wisdom that many of you have gained through your experiences of grief and loss, and I would like to learn from them, and share it with everyone else.

So starting FRIDAY, keep checking in with the blog and lets hear from you.

Dr Bill

I know this may be a very difficult time for many of you, but I hope that some of the resources we have provided have at least helped you make the season meaningful.

So, now that Christmas is here:

Remember that tears are not a sign of weakness, but a sign that you CARED.

Try to go easy on yourself, and on others, and not put too many expectations on the day.

Try to focus on happy memories, not on regrets of the past.

Make the best of your situation, and hold on to hope that next Christmas will be brighter.

Life will go on. Although that may not make you feel any better TODAY, it is important to hold on to that hope.

Next year, we have some plans to do some new things on this web site, so I hope you will stay tuned. In the meantime, have as nice a Christmas season as possible.

Dr Bill

We sent out a Christmas Newsletter a few days ago, and we got quite a number (about 25%) returned to us. We realize that this could just be changes of address, or the Ghosts of Cyber Space Past or Present.

If you did NOT receive a newsletter and would like to be on our list, please sign up for the complimentary newsletter on the front page …. we want to stay in touch with you on a more personal way.

You really DO want to sign up … because the newsletter contains a MOMENTOUS personal revelation about Dr Bill …. !!!

Thanks for your co-operation.

Dr Bill

Thought for the Day:

When it comes to memories, we have to let the light of their life illuminate the event, rather than allowing the shadow of the event darken the memories of the life.”

Dr Bill Webster, in “Grief Matters”

I spoke at a Memorial Service yesterday on “Coping with Christmas after a Loss”. Someone suggested I post an outline of my talk on the BLOG, so here it is.

WHY can the holidays be SO difficult after a loss?

It is important to remember that Christmas is a time of high expectations, which VERY FEW people ever manage to live up to under ANY circumstances. So acknowledge that this Christmas may not be PERFECT, but it can be MEANINGFUL.

Christmas is also a time of many traditions, some of which may not seem as meaningful or necessary this year.

Christmas is also a time of many memories, and it will be a challenge to know how to get through the season without thinking about the person who has died. DON’T! Try to remember the good times of the person’s LIFE as well as thoughts of their DEATH.

So I have 10 suggestions that will hopefully help you cope with Christmas.

1. Recognize that THIS Christmas will be different.
2. Reduce the Pressure. Plan ahead and decide what YOU want to do
3. Re-examine your priorities and make the changes you think best
4. Take responsibility for your own happiness.
5. Relive your memories
6. Acknowledge your loved one’s presence, even if only in memory
7. Create a Special Tribute like lighting a memorial candle
8. Find Something Positive in your Life.
9. Take Care of Children, remembering that making Christmas special for them will give them a sense of security that life is going on
10. Remember, there WILL be other Christmas’

So we wish you a MEANINGFUL Christmas … and for many of you, a BETTER New Year.

Don’t forget that I have an inexpensive little booklet, “A Not So Jolly Christmas” with many more suggestions and ideas.

Dr Bill

Thanks to all who commented on my new Meditation. Overwhelmingly people preferred that we had both the words and the voice, and that is how we will continue. Don Lambie won the prize for contributions.

Starting Monday, we will have some additional material on Coping with the Holidays, so stay tuned.

Dr Bill

Thought for the Day:
“I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day. We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year. As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, throughout the whole year.”
David Grayson

What Do You Think?

I would really like to have your opinion. We have a brand new meditation, and this time, instead of just text, we have added a “voice over”. But we are not sure if people would just like to have the voice, or if they would like also to see the words of the text as well.

So we have produced BOTH … and would like to know what YOU think. Please watch BOTH versions of the meditation and let us know which you prefer. We are also open to any constructive criticism about what could improve the meditation. (Constructive criticism not only says what you don’t like, but how you would change it.) We would like to know if the font is good, how you find the speed, and any other comments that would enable us to produce a more meaningful message.

View Meditation without titles

View Meditation with titles

This meditation is entitled “A Letter to my Loved Ones” and is designed to give a grieving person an idea of what their loved one might say to encourage them to go on.

We will post this for 2 weeks. You may respond by commenting through the forum.

On October 29th we will draw 3 winners from all the replies, and send out a copy of a brand new CD with 5 meditations, which we will have available for market in early November.

Let us know what you think.

Dr Bill

Thought:

“My idea of success is this: ‘Throw out the ballast and the balloon will rise’.”

Yesterday afternoon, a tree on our street cracked in the strong winds and a huge limb fell across the roadway. The word from the workmen who were dispatched to clean up the mess was that the tree was “stressed” because it had dried out and had become inflexible.

Other trees survived the gale. In fact I sat and watched them swaying back and forth in high wind, unaffected by the buffeting. The difference? They were flexible, moving with the forces of nature, while the ill fated tree had become rigid, unable to adapt to the influences that were pushing on it.

One of the ways to overcome stress is to “go with the flow”. I have learned a valuable lesson from that tree, about the differences between flexibility and rigidity. When you think about it, flexibility is a sign of life. Life is determined by movement, but death by rigidity. Babies, full of life, are supple and flexible and in constant movement, while old age is marked by increasing inactivity and stiffness.

To look at it another way. Which is stronger: water or rock? I think water, because water can wear away rock. But what causes the rock to give way to the water? It is that the water is in constant motion, and it is that energy that gradually breaks down the rock.

That doesn’t mean that we should be blown here and there by every opinion or situation that occurs. A tree has to have roots that are deeply grounded. But the problem with the tree was not its foundation, but its moving parts.

People who are rigid and resist change run the risk of snapping. Those who do not “go with the flow” will get worn away. We need to allow ourselves to stay flexible, open to new ideas and possibilities. Then when the winds of change blow, we will be better able to adapt and be able to adjust to the pressures.

Dr Bill

Thought:
“There is a certain relief in change, even though it be thought to be from bad to worse; as I have found travelling in a stage coach, it is often a comfort to shift one’s position and be bruised in a new place.”
Washington Irving.