{"id":2786,"date":"2015-04-11T18:57:26","date_gmt":"2015-04-11T18:57:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/griefjourney.co.uk\/?page_id=2786"},"modified":"2020-10-04T18:35:50","modified_gmt":"2020-10-04T18:35:50","slug":"how-to-find-a-good-counsellor","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Find a Good Counsellor"},"content":{"rendered":"

We live in a world in which pharmaceutical companies have persuaded us that drugs<\/a> can treat everything from anxiety to depression<\/a> to post traumatic stress disorder. It is not surprising that many people have come to regard \u201ca pill\u201d as the be-all and end-all to life’s difficulties. In 2010, $11.6 billion U.S. was spent on antidepressants, which incidentally was only 4% of all spending on prescription medications.<\/p>\n

As a grief therapist, I am not persuaded that the public is being well served by these pharmacological solutions to life’s problems. I believe that often, especially in mild or moderate situations of depression, anxiety, stress, grief or a host of other mental health challenges, that \u201ctalking it out\u201d is a more effective approach. I have concerns that even \u201ctalk therapy\u201d (psychotherapy and psychological counselling) is becoming so expensive that only the rich can afford it; but nonetheless, I remain convinced that giving people the opportunity to \u201cput it into words\u201d, whether in a group setting or \u201cone on one\u201d is an appropriate approach to helping them deal with their struggles.<\/p>\n

So what should people look for in a good counsellor?<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Qualifications<\/strong><\/p>\n

It is important that any counsellor has credentials, yet having said that, there is a lot of confusion out there, especially in grief counselling, as to what the standard should be. A good therapist should have a graduate degree, or at the very least, have undertaken specific education and training in the field of counselling. There are numerous people who call themselves \u201ccounsellors\u201d or \u201ctherapists\u201d because they have taken a weekend seminar or learned a certain therapeutic approach. But without a degree in counseling, psychology, social work, marriage and family therapy, or another related field of study, such well-intentioned people often lack the specific education, training, and skills to provide informed, safe, quality and effective psychotherapy or counseling.<\/p>\n

I know one individual who set himself up as a \u201cMarriage and Family Therapist\u201d without ever having had one day of education in the field \u2026 by his own admission, he just thought it would be a lucrative job. Personally, I wouldn\u2019t have let him counsel my CAT!! And the scary part was that no-one could do anything to stop him, as long as he didn\u2019t claim to be \u201ca psychologist\u201d (a term which is regulated and licensed by the College of Psychologists.)<\/p>\n

People without graduate-level education in a mental health field may lack the necessary skills and know-how to properly diagnose and treat issues, which is dangerous. A licensed therapist will have had many hours of training and supervision, which sets the standards bar much higher. But the problem is that many current therapies are NOT licensed or under the direction of a regulating body, so this becomes a tricky issue.<\/p>\n

Even new counsellors fresh out of graduate school may have received excellent theory and \u201cbook-learning\u201d, but lack enough actual counseling experience to claim expertise or feel totally confident. I see many people referred to a counsellor by an EAP, and that young counsellor has a general counselling degree but no specific training in grief counselling or in the specific area of concern. In addition, they may not have had much life experience, which clients discern quickly, feeling the person cannot really relate to their situation. \u00a0Admittedly, we want that young counsellor to get to the next level, where they will have more confidence, experience and know-how, but does that help the grieving person today?<\/p>\n

2.Personal Chemistry<\/strong><\/p>\n

I believe there is MUCH more to identifying a good counsellor than credentials. Believe it or not, it is often a matter of personal chemistry. I like to think that I get along well with many people, but there are occasions when I realize that a certain relationship simply isn\u2019t going to work because it just isn\u2019t a good \u201cfit.\u201d It happens in all areas of life.<\/p>\n

So, I would ask you to consider, \u201cWhat does it feel like for you to sit with this therapist?\u201d Do you feel safe and comfortable? Is it easy to talk to them? Is the person down-to-earth and easy to relate to, or does he\/she seem cold and emotionally detached? Is the counsellor \u201cstuck in their head,\u201d or \u201coverly emotional and empathic\u201d? Is the therapist a \u201cknow-it-all\u201d or arrogant? How do these qualities make you feel?<\/p>\n

If a counsellor doesn\u2019t feel like a good fit, that\u2019s OK; there\u2019s absolutely no obligation requiring you to continue working with any specific counsellor, and you can ask for a referral. However, if you find yourself reacting negatively, disliking or being judgmental to EVERY counsellor you see, it\u2019s important to consider whether you are simply avoiding facing the issues that are affecting you.<\/p>\n

3. Interpersonal Skills<\/strong><\/p>\n

How good are the counsellor\u2019s interpersonal skills?<\/strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Effective counsellors are able to express themselves well; are astute at sensing what other people are thinking and feeling; and show warmth and acceptance, empathy<\/a>, with a focus on YOU, not just talking about themselves.<\/p>\n

In practical terms<\/em>, consider this:when you talk about what you’re experiencing, does your therapist seem interested in learning more about how you feel<\/em>? Can they communicate with you in language you understand? But a good therapist communicates both verbally and non-verbally Do you have a sense that this is someone you can trust? Did you know that people determine whether or not they can trust someone within 50 milliseconds of first meeting them? So, what do your inner vibes tell you when you first meet this person?<\/p>\n

Is this someone who allows you to feel that you can have a good working relationship; that confidences will be kept and that your faith<\/a> in them won’t be betrayed? It’s true that the ethical code of counsellors as well as priests\/ministers includes the proviso that disclosure of illegal or dangerous intention must be reported to authorities such as the police or social service agencies. However, even this requirement should help you feel that you can trust the therapist, because you know that you and others you care about are going to be protected.<\/p>\n

4. Sensitivity toward your cultural background <\/strong><\/p>\n

Therapists must be especially sensitive to the culture and practices of different nationalities and faith communities. This includes showing respect for your background and being aware of attitudes within your culture or community toward family relationships, religious practices, and appropriate behavior. It should go without saying that a therapist will not make offensive comments about your gender<\/a>, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, or cultural background. However, it’s possible that the counsellor might simply not be aware of specific prohibitions or customs that are an important part of your life. If this happens, explain why and what this is the case.\u00a0Understanding more about the traditions of your culture or religion might help them modify their views on solutions to certain issues.<\/p>\n

5. Therapeutic Alliance<\/strong><\/p>\n

One of the most solid predictors of good therapeutic outcome is the feeling that clients are in a \u201cpartnership\u201d with their therapists. This is known as the therapeutic alliance<\/em>. Ask yourself, do you have the sense that your therapist is interested in getting you on board by establishing goals<\/a> that both of you agree on and are willing to work towards?<\/p>\n

While not every therapist would agree, I firmly believe that I should provide my clients an explanation of their symptoms and be willing to adapt this as circumstances change.<\/strong> People want to know WHY they are experiencing their specific symptoms. So can you understand what the therapist says about the possible contributors to your symptoms and is that explanation grounded in your own sense of who you are and why you’re feeling the way you do.<\/p>\n

6. Inspiration, Hope and O<\/strong>ptimism<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hope is a tremendous motivator, and confidence that that \u201cthis is going to work\u201d is often a large part of the equation in successful treatment. I\u2019m not talking about being artificially or unrealistically hopeful or overly optimistic, but knowing how to strike a balance between realism and hope. They should inspire you to think that you can get better; that you will make it even though it is going to be difficult. Self-confidence, self-esteem and belief in a positive outcome are crucial, because we become what we believe, good and bad.<\/p>\n

So, does your counsellor encourage \u201cdependence\u201d or \u201cindependence?\u201d Good therapy doesn\u2019t solve your problems; it helps you to resolve your own issues. Likewise, good therapy doesn\u2019t soothe your overwhelming feelings, but rather helps you learn to calm your own fears and emotions.<\/p>\n

Therapy is most powerful when, like the old proverb, it helps people to learn to fish for themselves rather than rely on someone else to feed them. If your counsellor provides emotional support without also encouraging you to access your own resources, it is more likely you will become dependent on them to help you feel better, rather than learning to depend on yourself, which is, after all the most effective therapy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We live in a world in which pharmaceutical companies have persuaded us that drugs can treat everything from anxiety to depression to post traumatic stress disorder. It is not surprising that many people have come to regard \u201ca pill\u201d as the be-all and end-all to life’s difficulties. In 2010, $11.6 billion U.S. was spent on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":1480,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"yoast_head":"\nHow to Find a Good Counsellor - Grief Journey<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Find a Good Counsellor - Grief Journey\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We live in a world in which pharmaceutical companies have persuaded us that drugs can treat everything from anxiety to depression to post traumatic stress disorder. It is not surprising that many people have come to regard \u201ca pill\u201d as the be-all and end-all to life’s difficulties. In 2010, $11.6 billion U.S. was spent on […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Grief Journey\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/centreforgriefjourney\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-10-04T18:35:50+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/social-share.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1298\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"805\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/\",\"name\":\"How to Find a Good Counsellor - Grief Journey\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2015-04-11T18:57:26+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-10-04T18:35:50+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Archived Articles\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":3,\"name\":\"How to Find a Good Counsellor\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/\",\"name\":\"Grief Journey\",\"description\":\"The Centre for the Grief Journey\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Grief Journey\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/cropped-gj-logo-2020.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/cropped-gj-logo-2020.png\",\"width\":374,\"height\":118,\"caption\":\"Grief Journey\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/centreforgriefjourney\"]}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How to Find a Good Counsellor - Grief Journey","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How to Find a Good Counsellor - Grief Journey","og_description":"We live in a world in which pharmaceutical companies have persuaded us that drugs can treat everything from anxiety to depression to post traumatic stress disorder. It is not surprising that many people have come to regard \u201ca pill\u201d as the be-all and end-all to life’s difficulties. In 2010, $11.6 billion U.S. was spent on […]","og_url":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/","og_site_name":"Grief Journey","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/centreforgriefjourney","article_modified_time":"2020-10-04T18:35:50+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1298,"height":805,"url":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/social-share.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Est. reading time":"7 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/","url":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/","name":"How to Find a Good Counsellor - Grief Journey","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2015-04-11T18:57:26+00:00","dateModified":"2020-10-04T18:35:50+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/how-to-find-a-good-counsellor\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Archived Articles","item":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/archived-articles\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"How to Find a Good Counsellor"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/","name":"Grief Journey","description":"The Centre for the Grief Journey","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#organization","name":"Grief Journey","url":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/cropped-gj-logo-2020.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/cropped-gj-logo-2020.png","width":374,"height":118,"caption":"Grief Journey"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/centreforgriefjourney"]}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2786"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2786"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2786\/revisions"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1480"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2786"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}