{"id":3508,"date":"2020-05-11T14:20:26","date_gmt":"2020-05-11T18:20:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/griefjourney.com\/?page_id=3499"},"modified":"2020-10-22T00:48:38","modified_gmt":"2020-10-22T00:48:38","slug":"understanding-grief","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/life-in-challenging-times\/understanding-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Understanding Grief<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Every time we experience a loss, we grieve what is missing from our lives as a result. Death, as we have said, is not the only loss to trigger grief. We have been feeling grief over these weeks even though we may not have recognized it as such. It is very important to understand, however, that there is no one neat orderly way to understand the grief process. It is not \u201c5 Stages\u201d or any other \u201cone size fits all\u201d formula.<\/p>

So we need to begin by understanding what grief is. In simple terms, grief is a natural human response to an unwelcome event. It is defined as \u201ca natural human reaction to any significant loss, manifesting itself in a unique cluster of human emotions, intensified and complicated by the relationship we have lost.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>

Unfortunately, in our \u201cdeath denying culture\u201d, we are not taught what to expect in the days and months after a loss, and so grief inevitably catches us by surprise. Often a few weeks or months down the road we can feel like it is getting even worse. In fact, sometimes it is when others think we should be getting ourselves together, that the grieving person feels like they are falling apart. When people find themselves unavoidably confronted with loss and struggling with grief, it can be one of life\u2019s most challenging experiences, and often we need help to come to terms with it.<\/p>

a)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Grief is a Natural Human Experience<\/h3>

Our definition above affirms my conviction that grief is a\u00a0\u201cnormal reaction to an unwelcome event.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0It is not a sickness or disease, nor should it be considered a mental health disorder. Grief is a natural, human response to any significant loss.<\/p>

However, the fact that it is normal does not diminish how difficult the experience can be. We should\u00a0\u201cnormalize\u201d<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0but not\u00a0\u201cminimize.\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>What many people are going through as a result of this pandemic and the subsequent life losses they have incurred must never be underestimated.<\/p>

When you lose someone or something special from your life, whether by death, disease, distance, or disaster, you are going to grieve. Grief is our protest against something we don\u2019t like or want. Our grief is saying that we\u2019re struggling to adjust to a life without that special relationship.<\/p>

By understanding what you can expect, you are able to\u00a0validate<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0the experience of grief. When you have\u00a0legitimized<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0the process, you feel able to \u201cwork through\u201d the unique issues your specific loss raises, knowing you are not crazy or abnormal. You realize that your grief is not a reflection on the \u201cinadequacy of your coping skills\u201d; it is an indication that you are missing something or someone you cared about.<\/p>

When liberated from the stigma of grief, which is the fruit of those \u201cpull yourself together and get over it\u201d statements people make, you can begin the grief journey of exploring your feelings about how your world has changed and making the adjustments you need to reorganize your life.<\/p>

b)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Grief is a Uniquely Personal Experience<\/h3>

Every individual is unique. We are all different, in looks, in character, in cultural diversity, as well as in human experiences. While there may be many similarities, every individual manifests grief in a way that is appropriate for\u00a0them.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>That is influenced and shaped by many variables: what we have lost and how; anticipated or sudden\/unexpected loss; our age and our gender; our beliefs and values; our cultural context and traditions, among others.<\/p>

Here is the dilemma we face in supporting people through this pandemic. Some are welcoming the pause and the opportunity to\u00a0reconnect\u00a0with themselves and their family. They have an opportunity to do the things that they had long promise they would get to \u201cone of these days\u201d.<\/p>

But for others, this has been a living hell, isolated in homes where relationships are strained and possibly even finding themselves in unsafe\u00a0situations, facing financial pressures, unemployment, or facing not being able to visit elderly or sick loved ones in nursing homes, or being present with them when they are dying. Many are overwhelmed by the hierarchy of needs that daily demands their attention, and finding ways to cope.<\/p>

But for most people, their experience is a combination\u00a0of all of the above.<\/p>

Grief is always a struggle. It is never easy to lose someone or something you have relied on. This is possibly the most difficult experience of life.<\/p>

But as we struggle, we discover that in every loss there is a gain. There will be times when you will wonder if they can make it, but little by little you will that in the struggle you find strength you didn\u2019t know you had.<\/p>

In our next blog we will seek to understand something more about this experience of grief which I think you will find interesting.<\/p>

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Life in Difficult Times Topics:<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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