{"id":6429,"date":"2021-08-23T19:59:19","date_gmt":"2021-08-23T19:59:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/?p=6429"},"modified":"2021-08-23T20:04:28","modified_gmt":"2021-08-23T20:04:28","slug":"grief-is-a-problem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/grief-is-a-problem\/","title":{"rendered":"Grief is a Problem"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Grief is a Problem<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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by<\/span> Dr. Bill Webster<\/span><\/b><\/p>

In a moment of therapeutic inspiration, the counselor set half a glass of water in front of her support group. She expected the usual \u201chalf-full, half-empty\u201d responses, by which she would identify the optimists and the pessimists.<\/span><\/p>

But one participant surprised her. Dan picked up the glass, drank the water, and told everyone he was a \u201cproblem solver\u201d. Some might call him something else; but I like his attitude. It\u2019s called \u201cthinking outside the box\u201d.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

I suggest there is a growing need for such thinking in the area of grief.<\/span><\/p>

Let me begin on a personal note.<\/span><\/p>

Last month was a difficult one for my family. Three years ago, we were by the bedside of my son Steve, who had suffered a traumatic brain injury, and who 20 days later would pass away \u2026 as his dad, his wife and his daughter wept.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Three years later, I am still not \u201cover it\u201d, and unapologetically so. Those who have lost a child, or indeed any significant relationship, will not be surprised by that statement. I will never understand the \u201cWhy\u201d, or \u201caccept\u201d that he is gone. Nothing is going to \u201cfix\u201d this. My son has died, and that is devastating.<\/span><\/p>

However, that does not mean that my life is over. Certainly life is different \u2026 I will miss Steve every single day of the rest of my life. But I am getting on with what I yet want to accomplish, and making the most of what I still have.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

In other words, I am not going to be defined by this loss. I am defined by who I am, what I have accomplished, and by the life I have lived, which has included being a Dad to Steve, and many other investments as a son, brother, husband, father, grandfather, grief counselor, and other roles I have assumed in my life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Because I am not defined by this one albeit tragic event in my life, that means I can take courage that it will not destroy me, even though it will remain as one of the saddest experiences of my entire life.<\/span><\/p>

I was touched by a recent picture of Queen Elizabeth, who, just a month or so after the death of her husband Prince Philip, was seen laughing and jovial at Royal Ascot and the Windsor Horse show. The headline read: \u201cLiving Her Best Life.\u201d\u00a0 In fact, it has been reported that Prince Philip himself encouraged her to go on with her life, unlike Queen Victoria, whose lifetime of mourning for Prince Albert is well documented.<\/span><\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

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