{"id":6641,"date":"2022-03-27T15:39:35","date_gmt":"2022-03-27T15:39:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/?p=6641"},"modified":"2022-03-27T15:42:59","modified_gmt":"2022-03-27T15:42:59","slug":"duplicated-grief-is-a-problem-6429","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/duplicated-grief-is-a-problem-6429\/","title":{"rendered":"Living in an Uncertain World"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Living in an Uncertain World<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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by<\/span> Dr. Bill Webster<\/span><\/b><\/p>

\u201cIt is a nightmare, and it seizes you from the inside very strongly. This cannot be explained with words.\u201d (quote from a<\/i> <\/span><\/span>Ukraine resident in Kharkiv)\u00a0<\/span><\/cite><\/p>

Words are not enough to describe the pain of what is happening in Ukraine. Even <\/span>graphic<\/span><\/cite> descriptions of <\/span>\u201chorror\u201d; \u201cinhumanity\u201d; and \u201cindiscriminate violence\u201d hardly begin to depict the suffering of those who are fighting, dying, and those whose exodus from Ukraine could become \u201cthe biggest refugee crisis this century.\u201d<\/span><\/cite><\/p>

The shocking events in Ukraine have confronted everyone in our world with feelings of helplessness. We have watched the escalating aggression with alarm, and our hearts go out to those who are there, or whose loved ones are in the line of fire. <\/span><\/p>

But on another level, these current events have exposed a deeper level of vulnerability for the whole world, economically and politically, including veiled threats of nuclear retaliation.<\/span><\/p>

This article is not intended to be a political statement. Goodness knows there is enough partisan rhetoric around already on all sides of the issue. Rather it is about the sense of loss and grief we all feel in the situation, directly and indirectly. <\/span><\/p>

I spoke to some friends to assess their reactions.<\/span><\/p>

Bob, now retired, said: \u201cThis takes me back to when I was in High School and President Kennedy confronted Khrushchev over the Cuban missile crisis. As teenagers, we all thought it was going to end in world destruction and I felt very depressed that I wasn\u2019t going to live my life, have a family and all that. But I remember my dad telling me that he had similar feelings when he married my mum in 1942 before he was shipped overseas to fight in World War 2. And now, as I near the end of my life, here we go again.\u201d<\/i> \u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Sarah, a 2nd<\/sup> generation Ukrainian Canadian, still has family in the Ukraine: \u201cMy dad has relatives over there who have visited us and we them. We know that some of the family have been evacuated, but several have stayed to fight for their country and we have no idea if they are alive or dead. Every day I am filled with dread as to what will happen, not just to my relatives but to the whole country. The worst thing is the uncertainty \u2026 not knowing what another day or even hour will bring.\u201d<\/i><\/span><\/p>

These are indeed days of uncertainty for all people, not just in Ukraine. This is going to make life more difficult for everyone in this global economy, including increases in the cost of living for ordinary people of all countries. <\/span><\/p>

When life is uncertain, we ask, \u201cWhat do you do when there\u2019s nothing you can do?\u201d While that statement may seem contradictory, it is an important issue for everyone struggling with real, imagined or potential loss.<\/span><\/p>

Sometimes in the light of tragedy or the aftermath of bereavement, we feel so inadequate. In my reflective moments, I sometimes question how effective I have really been as a counselor. After all, I can\u2019t \u201cfix\u201d the problem for any grieving person. All people really want is to have their loved one back and their world returned to normal. I\u2019ve often wished I had a magic wand that could make everything right. Sadly, I don\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>

But then I encounter someone who says \u201cYour group made such a difference for me,\u201d or an email stating, \u201cYour book saved my life when I felt ending it all.\u201d <\/span><\/p>

I don\u2019t let such compliments go to my head. I simply recognize that I did something, often without realizing, that found someone just at the right time to change things for them. I can\u2019t change the world, but if I have made a difference, I am content with that. <\/span><\/p>

Some circumstances can\u2019t be changed, much as we would like to. Our only choice is to say \u201cnow what?\u201d What we are going to do about such situations when they actually do occur.<\/span><\/p>

That\u2019s what many Ukrainians have done. We have watch with admiration those who have chosen to defend their homeland at huge personal cost and sacrifice. In seemingly overwhelming circumstances, they could have chosen to passively give up, surrender, or flee. But many have said an emphatic \u201cno<\/i><\/b>\u201d and have determined to resist and fight back.<\/span><\/p>

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