{"id":6792,"date":"2023-01-29T17:50:20","date_gmt":"2023-01-29T17:50:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/?p=6792"},"modified":"2023-01-29T17:50:22","modified_gmt":"2023-01-29T17:50:22","slug":"attitudes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/attitudes\/","title":{"rendered":"Attitudes towards Grief and Grievers"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Attitudes towards Grief and Grievers<\/h4>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Attitude is a little thing that makes a huge difference<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>

Death, loss, and grief are universal experiences that touch everyone, regardless of race, religion, <\/span>ethnicity or gender<\/span><\/em>. But the beliefs, attitudes, and opinions that are held and expressed about these topics are not unanimous.<\/span><\/p>

Long before experiencing a loss of their own, individuals, communities and cultures form beliefs and attitudes about emotions, grief, and the many circumstances that precede and follow deaths or a loss. Some of these mindsets may be helpful in the person\u2019s grief, while others reflect negative attitudes which create unfortunate stereotypes. Our words often reflect implicit attitudes and biases picked up over the years. Most expressions of grief by grievers and observers are fundamentally a learned behaviours.<\/span><\/p>

But that does not make them right \u2026 or helpful.<\/span><\/p>

Attitudes after a death or loss often begin with sincere sympathy, which can be classified as \u201ccompassionate, empathetic, and helpful.\u201d But sadly, at least from my observation, all too quickly, that moves into misinterpretation of the griever\u2019s experience which might catalogue as \u201cmisunderstood, patronising, and otherwise negative or critical.\u201d leading to some adverse attitudes and erroneous stereotypes.<\/span><\/p>

The following statements reflect some of the attitudes grieving people endure:<\/span><\/p>

1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The Negative Statement:<\/span><\/b><\/p>

\u201cYou need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on. I thought you\u2019d be over it by now!\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>

The Implied Attitude:\u00a0\u201c<\/span><\/b>People should be able to get over their grief and move on \u2026 preferably quickly. There are time frames for grief. Things like empathy and understanding from others are time-limited. It\u2019s weak to continue to grieve for longer than a set amount of time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The Condescending<\/span><\/b> Statement:<\/b><\/span><\/p>

\u201cPeople have been through worse. Losing your husband is nothing compared to the death of a child. At least he lived a good long life.\u201d \u201c<\/span><\/i><\/p>

The Implied Attitude:\u00a0<\/span><\/b>You are weak compared to others. Certain types of loss are less valid and significant than others. Certain types of loss are less deserving of grief, sympathy, and support than others. <\/span><\/p>

3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The Judgemental Statement:<\/span><\/b><\/p>

\u201cI am going to hang up now \u2013 call me back when you stop crying.\u00a0<\/i>You\u2019ve got to pull yourself together! You can\u2019t go on like this.\u201d<\/i><\/span><\/p>

The <\/span><\/b>Implied Attitude:\u00a0<\/span><\/b>You need to be stronger and less emotional. Your grief is unacceptable. Your expression of grief and emotion is abnormal or undesirable.<\/span><\/p>

Here is an important principle. \u201cStatements usually come out of attitudes.\u201d<\/b> \u00a0There are 3 steps in the formation of an attitude: <\/span><\/p>

a)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Awareness:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>

Even if a negative or stigmatizing statement has not been said\u00a0personally to someone; even if they\u2019ve heard it expressed in any<\/i><\/b> form about anyone<\/i><\/b>, whether a friend, community member, celebrity or even a TV character, the individual (or the group) is now aware that it exists. They recognize this as a prevalent attitude among their peers and culture.<\/span><\/p>

b)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Agreement:\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>

The second step in the formation of self-stigma is where a person, exposed to negative messages or statements from those around them about their loved one, their loved one\u2019s death, or their grief, decides whether or not they \u201cbuy into\u201d this prevalent attitude, bias, or stereotype. \u201cDoes this apply to me? Is this what people think of me? What have people been saying about me?\u201d\u00a0 <\/i>And because they are vulnerable, and because they themselves don\u2019t understand their own behaviours and reactions, they are much more likely to be swayed by the opinions, perceived or actual, of others.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

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