{"id":6826,"date":"2023-07-14T22:54:19","date_gmt":"2023-07-14T22:54:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/?p=6826"},"modified":"2023-07-14T22:54:24","modified_gmt":"2023-07-14T22:54:24","slug":"mistakes-from-denial-to-acceptance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/griefjourney.com\/mistakes-from-denial-to-acceptance\/","title":{"rendered":"Mistakes: From Denial to Acceptance"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Mistakes: From Denial to Acceptance<\/h4>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Let me make a confession!<\/p>

I recently attended a funeral where Frank Sinatra\u2019s song \u201cMy Way\u201d was played. It came to the part, \u201cRegrets, I’ve had a few, But then again, too few to mention \u2026 And more, much, much more that this, I did it my way.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

In that moment, I made a mental note. I do not want that song at my funeral. My reasons are simple. First, I was hoping to live forever, so my funeral will prove, once again, that I haven\u2019t gotten \u201cmy way\u201d.<\/p>

But more, much more than this, I realize I do have quite a few regrets, too many to mention. Oh, I know, everyone makes mistakes in life. Nobody\u2019s perfect. Good people sometimes make bad choices. That doesn\u2019t necessarily mean they are bad people. It just means they are human.<\/p>

But that can be used as an explanation or as an excuse. I confess I have made my share of mistakes, as have we all. But interestingly, some people find it harder to admit their mistakes than others.<\/p>

How our brains respond to mistakes depends on our mindset, according to a recent study which found that people have different brain reactions to mistakes\u00a0<\/p>

The study found that people who think intelligence is \u201cmalleable\u201d say things like, \u201cWhen the going gets tough, the tough get going\u201d and respond with more effort; or \u201cIf I make a mistake, I\u2019ll try to learn from it and figure it out.\u201d For individuals with a growth mind-set, who believe intelligence develops through effort, mistakes are seen as opportunities to grow and improve.<\/p>

On the other hand, people who think that they can\u2019t get any smarter will not take opportunities to learn from their mistakes. This can be a problem in school, for example; a student who thinks their intelligence is \u201cfixed\u201d (positively or negatively) will think it\u2019s not worth bothering to try harder after they fail a test.\u201d<\/p>

But there are also those who believe they never make mistakes. Something in their psychological makeup makes it impossible to admit they were wrong, even when it is obvious they are. They see themselves as \u201csmart\u201d and to somehow confess a \u201cmistake\u201d would bruise their fragile ego. Their defense mechanisms protect their lack of self-worth and confidence by changing the actual facts in their minds, so they never admit they were wrong or culpable.<\/p>

It\u2019s like the lady who exuded to her friend, \u201cOh, I have finally met Mr. Right.\u201d To which her friend replied, \u201cJust wait till you find out that his first name is \u2018Always\u2019.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

The constructive bottom line in all this is that people who think they can learn from their mistakes are more successful and resilient after any error or mistake.<\/p>

All this validates the famous assertion by Henry Ford: \u201cWhether you think you can or think you can\u2019t\u2014you\u2019re right.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

We have to be careful though. Paulo Coelho said: “A mistake made more than once is a decision.” In other words: Make a mistake and it could be considered learning, make the same mistake twice, and it\u2019s a miscalculation; make it over and over and that is a decision and a choice.\u00a0<\/p>

And yet isn\u2019t that exactly what human beings do. There are only so many times we can be surprised when the same painful things keep happening.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>

A quote, sometimes attributed to Albert Einstein: \u201cInsanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.\u201d Some researchers have found that the brain often fails to learn from the past, leaving us doomed to repeat the same errors and mistakes over and over again.<\/p>

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